Cruise ships were not content to stop with ice skating, rock climbing walls, roller coasters, and giant television for movies under the stars. If you thought the Blue Man Group was as wild as it was ever going to get, the cruising industry has upped the ante with even more outrageous shipboard diversions, all intended to prove the point that you really can do ANYTHING at sea that you can do in your home town.

Here are five new oceanic developments you might not have heard about yet.

1. Pole Dancing Lessons – Don’t poop out a kidney in shock. Cunard Lines has recently implemented classes from the Madame Busty Russell School of Pole Dancing, but it’s part of the enrichment program and aimed squarely at senior citizens. The first question that comes to our mind: Is there a doctor on board?

2. Adult Entertainment – We seem to be establishing a theme here. Princess cruises to incorporate a Bordello District on a cruise ship due to launch in 2015. Yep, you heard it here first. Strip clubs, gambling, and dining sprawled across five full decks. This little bit of “genius” was the brainchild of television Love Boat “captain,” actor Gavin Macleoud. Moving right along…

3. Outlet Malls – The only surprising thing about this idea is that it didn’t happen sooner. Holland America has a plan to construct massive floating barges that will house up to 125 of that American staple. Signature stores! They plan to tow the barges behind the cruise ships for the best in glamorous, duty-free shopping. If you’re too busy to indulge in actual shopping yourself, free

delivery to your stateroom is available. By the way, these barges are expected to weigh in at 234 tons. Any one see a problem here?

4. Fried Food Buffett – In a predictable knee-jerk reaction against all that darn healthy eating that’s been going around like a disease lately, Carnival plans to include a 24-hour fried food buffett in the price of the cruise. Cruise execs have decided it makes no sense to try to force tofu down our gullets when what we want is fried Twinkies any time of the day or night.

5. Starship – It’s no secret. Royal Caribbean is combining forces with Virgin founder and CEO, Richard Branson, to develop the first cruise ship in space. They’re even hiring displaced NASA workers to help them do it. And you thought exploding space shuttles with astronauts on board was bad.

Who’s ready for a cruise?

The Jetsetter Show Team

Flickr / Shavar Ross

Tags: cruise ships