For most of us, being pulled out of line for additional screening at the airport is about as much fun as having the mating call of the Yeti piped into your office cubicle all day long. But for those who like to push the envelope, we offer this special Jetsetter public service announcement – 5 Ways to Guarantee a TSA Airport Hassle.

1. Bring your collection of box cutters, knives, swords, or meat cleavers. For additional special attention from your friendly transportation security specialist, tape them in various locations on your body under loose-fitting garments.

2. ‘Tis the season for celebrating our independence. Why not carry on a gym bag filled with $300 worth of really cool fireworks? Newsflash: no fireworks, flares, or hand grenades can be carried on or checked with luggage either. We know. What a drag.

3. Sorry, you’re also going to have to leave your liquid bleach and fire extinguishers at home as well. TSA can’t think of a good reason you’d need bleach during your trip and, never fear, there are already plenty of fire extinguishers on board. No need to bring your own.

4. No gel shoe inserts permitted but gel-filled bras are fine. No, we are not making this up.

5. Bring no identification and only a handwritten scribbled note of your flight number, date, and time. Actually, this last one might not get you hassled by TSA at all. Chances are, you’ll never make it past the ticket counter.

Why all the rules? Jetsetter is guessing the basic problem is that common sense isn’t really that common at all. Consider every single item on your person and in your luggage. Now think of handing it to the craziest person in the world and imagine what they’d do with it. That’s why TSA has to be so strict with airline rules and procedures. Almost anything can be turned into some sort of weapon in the hands of a looney tune. Do yourself a favor and check out the official TSA list of prohibited items before you fly next time.

It might be educational.

The Jetsetter Team

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Tags: prohibited items, transportation security administration, tsa